23, 741 Yesterdays

Turning 65 is not a happy number to me. Now I can't hide from the fact that I am officially, everywhere a senior citizen. Some places 62 would qualify. AARP starts soliciting you at 50. Everywhere 65 is senior. I liked 64 because it had its own song, "When I get older losing my hair, many years from now...." Nice tune, upbeat music. What's 65 got? Medicare. Wow, talk about feeling old. Where did the years go?

So many days seem like just yesterday, and they all are "just" yesterdays--days that have just passed away. I have lived over 23,741 yesterdays. Yesterdays of experiences, learning, careers started and changed, families started, loved ones found and other loved ones lost. Yesterdays of hard winters and warm summers; yesterdays of tough times and yesterdays of laughter and joy. Yesterdays of planning for all the future tomorrows, hopes and dreams and the world ahead. The more yesterdays we live, the less tomorrows are in our future, the less dreams and plans to make. Less things are physically in our grasp. But it's a time when less is expected of us and a time when we should be able to just relax and share our knowledge and experience with those who may be interested.

As we age we look back on our yesterdays, we can now see the invisible thread that connects some yesterdays to other future days and sometimes we can see the result of having lived that day to have the knowledge or wisdom to handle another, the building of experiences in our tower of life. Brick by brick, our memories are stacked day by day, year by year. Those times when I see the thread, it is made clear to me, I know it was God's divine plan. He alone, knows all our tomorrows and how our life is weaved together from our yesterdays to today.

I have to give a nod to Paul McCartney, who I adored as a teenager, and his song, "Yesterday"--"all my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though they're here to stay, oh, I believe in yesterday." We've all had dark days like that when yesterdays seemed so much better than the future, but it isn't good to stay in those dark thoughts. Remember and cherish those good yesterdays but be strong and hold out hope for a good tomorrow or even just a good today, believe in today or tomorrow, not yesterday as the song says.

Day by day we have a chance to start over, to touch someone somehow--to help, to encourage or to even just to share a smile or a laugh. Twenty three thousand days, I wonder how many I wasted? The older we get, the more precious those days are--knowing I will not get 23,000 more. Did I squander them? Was I fruitful? Did I touch someone?

Turning 65 makes me hear the tick tock of the clock louder. Time is passing way too fast, day by day. When my tower of memories is done being made, how long will my tower be remembered by others, keeping it alive? Will it slowly crumble away until it is forever gone?

Yes, 65 comes to me like a shot in the arm at the doctor's. You don't like it, but are glad to be avoiding the alternative. Take each tomorrow that comes and turn it into a yesterday that you will be proud or happy of having lived. Whether I live one day more or a few thousand, I hope I can make each day worthy of living, even if it's just a simple little smile passed on to someone. Don't get me wrong, I have big things I would like to accomplish too and turning 65 is a strong reminder to me that the past contains more days than the future. Each day is more precious than the last. We must keep building our towers of memories and bringing joy and happiness to not only others, but to ourselves. Remember the value of the each day before it blends into the thousands you've already lived, like an artist blending colors in a painting. And may we live long enough that our painting is a huge mural with mostly happy memories.

So, I will go on. My birthday is "just" another day in the year, another day tacked onto my life. My past reflections may harbor some regrets but my past makes me who I am and it also makes me more thankful for each day I am given. Now I will try to embrace the magic number that makes me a full fledged senior citizen. It's going to take a mental adjustment as I still feel like a kid at heart. Seniorhood, here I come, ready or not.