50 Days of Remembering 50 years Day #4

Nine Months

It's not what you are thinking. Nine months is how long we knew each other before we got married. I will tell you, yes, we were in love but in nine months we also did not fully know each other.

I remember the first time I saw George really lose his temper--it was after we were married. After we were married, he learned just how poor I was at housekeeping but pretty good at cooking. After we were married, we learned all the little tweaks about life that one liked one way and another liked a different way, whether it be squeezing toothpaste a certain way, folding clothes certain ways, hanging clothes on hangers right or left-handed or other quirks.

Even if we had lived together before marriage which the world now embraces (but our faith doesn't agree), life's circumstances shape people and we all change. Parenthood is a learning process and surely changes a person. Different jobs shape people, loss of loved ones, health issues, and so many more of life's passages change us.

There were times when being married was hard. Life gave us many obstacles that we didn't always agree on the way to get around them, but we hung in there and we got through them one way or another. He would tell you I always got my way, but I would say differently for sure. There were arguments and hardships. I just want to let anyone know that being married 50 years is no easy task. It's not that two people are the absolute perfect fit in every way, but they learn how to work with each other with their different strengths and weaknesses. They learn the ebb and flow of the waves of life to navigate the course together. To be truthful, sometimes I did wonder if our ship was going to survive the storms.

I guess this one is a public service announcement. Hang in there. One piece of advice that I would give is to not take everything so seriously or "don't sweat the small stuff". There are so many big things to get through, let the little slide. And we have found humor is a great healer and a great way to overcome little things.

I remember the time that George was annoyed that I had not picked up the correct type of peanut butter. He liked crunchy and I had gotten creamy (which, of course, I prefer--we have our differences). It was breakfast and I had just made scrambled eggs. He reiterated so I would get it right next time, "I like crunchy peanut butter, crunchy cookies (not chewy ones)."

I plopped his plate of eggs on the table and said, "Fine, next time I'll make your eggs crunchy!" A moment that could have snowballed, was turned into laughter. Laughter has healing powers, as long as not at anyone's expense. We have had a lot of laughs in 50 years. 

"Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart." Deuteronomy 8:2

33 Years

Thirty-three years ago today, my life took a major turn in the road. Today is our wedding anniversary. For November 1st, it was a gorgeous day, a little breezy, but we were able to have our pictures taken outside without coats. And our honeymoon in the Poconos was in the 70's. It was an absolutely perfect start to this long journey.

We met on January 31, 1975. I had just come back from a long road trip and the girlfriend who I usually went out with on Friday nights had anxiously waited for me to return so that we could go out as usual. I really did not want to and tried to beg out of it, but she convinced me. The moral is sometimes it is good to do something you don't want to do.

I met George at the Springtree Lounge in Torrington. It was a dance club and it's really too bad that there aren't more of these around now. It was a little fancier, as I remember it. I don't remember people wearing blue jeans. I gave him my number that first night and on Sunday we went for a ride and to visit a friend of his.

After that we went out every weekend and never saw anyone else. In February near to the 22nd, I was asked out by another guy and I told him I was seeing someone. I can't believe he asked who. When I told him "George Washington" I'm sure he thought I was lying.

I knew from the beginning that there was something different about this guy. He stole my heart when he bought me a lilac bush knowing it was my favorite flower. That was in May and soon after that he proposed in the parking lot of the Chart House restaurant where we often went to their lounge upstairs.

In his proposal he was building up how hard it was having a name like George Washington and he asked if I had ever thought about changing my name. Duh! I said, "no". I missed the point, but then pretty quickly got it and said, "yes". We went in and I still have the little bottle that the champagne came in that we celebrated with that night at the Chart House.

In those days most people did not live together before getting married. We knew we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives and so, we did not want a long engagement. So nine months after we met, we were married.

I would not recommend such a short engagement, but it did work for us and I would never "test the waters" by living together. I don't feel God approves of that. It is true that we did not know each other completely and learned more through our marriage and we grew together. Of course it has not been all roses (or lilacs). We've been through as Dickens said, "the best of times and the worst of times".

I always tell newlyweds that a sense of humor is a key to the relationship. We love to laugh together. I remember the time we were having a silly little confrontation. He was upset that I bought creamy peanut butter when he likes crunchy. I had just finished cooking breakfast and he emphasized the point by saying, "I like everything crunchy, crunchy peanut butter, crunchy cookies," and then I took his plate and said, "Fine. Let me make your eggs crunchy." He burst out laughing and the tension was gone. I get it now. He likes crunchy peanut butter, but I like creamy. I think in life we are that way too--I like to smooth things over, let things go and he likes the crunchy road and although it's bumpy, fight for justice and his beliefs. We don't see eye to eye on everything, but we do on a lot and that helps our relationship.

When you don't see eye to eye, it is a hard thing to convince the other to your side and if you can't, you have to find a middle ground that is acceptable to both. George would say that he was always the one to give in, don't believe it. The hardest part was agreeing in areas of raising the kids. We came from quite opposite backgrounds (he was one of thirteen and I was an only child). Becoming a parent is an on-the-job training position. You make mistakes and you have regrets, but you do your best and above all love them. I remember when I had my kids of being so happy that a part of George and I would always live on.

Looking back, I also believe having the same morals is of utmost importance. This makes a firm foundation for your life together. We are born-again Christians and therefore, have conservative values. George is a man of integrity, honesty, hardworking, intelligent and best of all, loves to laugh and does so easily. He thinks I'm funny which works out well. I love to hear him laugh.

Creamy and crunchy, I'm a chocoholic and he doesn't care for it, only child and one of thirteen, and the list goes on. We have our individuality in our relationship yet share the same foundational beliefs and love which has seen us through 33 years and another 33, God willing.

Happy Anniversary, hubby! Love you!